My FAVORITE auntie and I were out and about. We began talking men. She knows I hate this. Because well, she's always trying to get me to be more tolerant of males. Ugh I appreciate it. Lol but girl bye. 😂😂

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However, this time she said something that rang my bell. She took me back to when her babies were young. said, she was home, struggling with 3 babies under 6 and her husband was pulling 80 hour weeks. HOW he is alive still? Idk. But that Black Masculine nearly killed himself, to make sure his wife and his baby girls were safe. It is the reason I always loved Lucious n Cookie (totally the old version of them!) uncle Lucious still works his as off. The man is well into 60, their final two teens are almost all grown up. Aunt cookie is the old lady in the shoe. Lol had so many children, she didn't know what to do.

Anyway, she said she was upset he wasn't home helping her. She was stressed, her mama was a hot ass mess so unavailable to lend support. Things just were tough. She said she kept praying to God and asking God to send her someone she could encourage and be encouraged by. A sister in arms.

"And Baby, that is when I met your mom. See, your mamas problem is she could not live without a man. She didn't know any other life. I think it has something to do with your grandmother and grandfathers marriage and their home life. But your mama was adamant about a man in her life and her bed. No matter how or what your father did.

One day, I was at my mothers house complaining about my husband, and your father. My mother said to me, and she always had her way of dropping these bombs on you and walking off. But she says 'I might not bitch about a man who works all the time. At least he isn't here because he is working.' She walked out my kitchen with my baby and left me sitting there. I will never forget it. Your mama was my answered prayer. I tried to teach her, for your sake and your sisters sake. I did my best."

With tears streaming down my face, I said to my auntie "I know you did. And I know you're here to help me fully restore all those things mama tried to break in me."
She said, "no. You've done all that on your own. I'm just here to remind you, it's ok to need someone other than just you. Community is an important value you once held. Don't give it up because your family was a hot ass mess. Find your family, build your village!"

I absolutely do. And I test mf. You don't get to come into the village without being subjected to vigorous testing. I gotta make sure you aren't infected with that penis bug. You know the one, the sacrifice-it-all-for-some-peen, bug!

This convo did 3 things for me:

Thing 1: I released the unowned anger at my husband for working so much and being away so often. My fathers ass was disappeared on binges. Not making money but squandering it on addictions. Auntie Cookie and uncle Luscious healed that up good.

Thing 2: validated what I saw as a young girl. Mama never kept his ass around for us. It was for her.
Everyone saw it. It wasn't just need! These women LIE saying they don't want their kids to grow up without a father.

Thing 3: sign up for Mama Lessons to learn more.http://www.angrydevas.com/mama-lessons.html

My husband grew up watching his mother struggle. He watched his father be insufficient. He watched his brother cry himself to sleep at night because he was hungry. It stuck with him. It made him the man he is today. He survived his childhood, his mother's foolish breeding choices and got to work.

He then put a plan in action to always be bringing in more money for his family. The wonderful thing is, even if we should part? He will continue to care for me, protect me and provide for me. I do as I please in this marriage, he still supports me and invests in me. He only asks that I not prevent him from providing for me and protecting me, no matter what happens. This is what a real masculine does. I never saw this level of investment or protection before in my life. The level of devotion.... I put him to the test. In the most ugly of ways. Still, he remains committed to being The Masculine Devotee of THIS Godis.

Admittedly? I grew up with yellow lunch slips. I grew up without enough food or clothes. I grew up with the struggle of an idiotic black mother who ALLOWED herself to be impregnated by a dysfunctional nothing ass black male, 4 times. Not only did she allow this She sought it out. He never had a choice. She told us this herself. She told me "you all were my choice! Your father never had a say."

I go in on bottom bytches because I was raised by one lol. I know exactly how you foolish women think. Keep this in mind when you try to tell me sob stories about your idiotic decisions with men. I've no empathy for you.

When I met my husband? I didn't know how to be taken care of. I didn't know how to get out of a man's way doing what he should do. I didn't know how to allow him to cherish and provide for me. I felt like I was going crazy. I really did, it was a crisis of identity. The wo-man my mother raise me to be vs the Godis I Am.
Mama lessons told me "don't ever rely on a man" because mama bred with addict peen. She didn't have to. She chose it, she had a proposal from a man who worked and owned land. She turned him down and bred my daddy sperm. I could have been borne to a Black Masculine who owned land and boats too.
Mama chose the drunkard who smoked crack and barely took care of his 6 children by his at the time wife. Mama Lessons nearly destroyed my life.

I had to invest in a different way of thinking and living. That wasn't easy either suga. It has taken many classes, personal development, mentorship and more. You won't get out of this just reading books. I keep telling you all that and women keep balking lol. Practical application has to happen.

In my class, Mama Lessons I will be discussing some crucial life lessons. How to win, despite your mamas lessons and teachings and how to ditch the negative programming you learned or picked up from your mother. This is a 3 module class covering 3 different areas we need to address for freedom and healing.
Sign up here: www.angrydevas.com/mama-lessons.html