The Angry Deva's Blog
Veneration of the Dark Godis is Veneration of the Whole Wombn. Our Power is in Darkness, but first wo-men have to leave our patriarchal conditioning behind - leave the father's house and his rules! Embrace the Way of the Womb!
Last night during massage, the girl found that old injury I hide.
I tripped up the steps in high school my sophomore year. Our damn school has these moronic metal steps! And I tripped and knocked the Hell out of my toe on it. Just the one toe. I promise ya, it was fractured.
My mother being who she was, neglectful, indifferent, no empathy; this wasn’t important enough to warrant a free state insurance paid trip to the dr. Anything to do with my health that was beyond an annual checkup was a “burden.” So instead of getting X-rays and understanding what happened to me and how to heal it? I was left to just let it resolve itself.
To this day that toe gives me trouble. To this day, I have a relationship to injuries that makes me have to fight my trained/programmed responses. And actually address the problems.
Spiritually? I’m quick wit it. I don’t fuck around. I swiftly handle any emotional or spiritual trauma.
Physical trauma is a different ballgame. And I recognize it and am challenging it.
I’m laying there last night. Enduring that blistering pain of a trauma that never got healed. And fighting the thoughts of complacency. “This is supposed to be my Monday relaxation and release ritual. And now I gotta instead feel effing pains” I realized how I had been subconsciously manipulating the therapist for years to avoid the painful parts. And I told her I was doing it without even consciously realizing I was engaging avoidance. Over confrontation and resolution of the issue.
What is mind blowing about this? Is how it ministered to me as a Priestess. “This is what ur clients are going through. When u confront spiritual and emotional traumas they never healed? They choose manageable pain that is familiar. Over unimaginable pain that is unknown. They know the trauma. They have coping mechanisms for them. Just like u have for that toe. It’s the work to heal the pain the trauma created, that feels impossible and they are resistant to.”
My Dark Self is amazing. I respect her wisdom and ability to take lessons for herself/me, and see how our lessons can help others.
Sisters. Trust me I know it ain’t easy. I never once in all these years, said it was.
But baby is it worth it.
The shyt hurt. I won’t lie. But my toe feels better and more mobile than it has in years. It’s impacted how I walk, it has put stress on my ankles and knees. Trying to accommodate this physical trauma my mama taught me to carry and bear.
Can u think, just for a second, about the negative impacts that your emotional and spiritual trauma have had on your walk in life?
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Writing is my Joy and Pleasure. I've been writing creative pieces, analytic pieces and empirical pieces since I learned how! I use my pen and prose to expose people to things they either don't know or never thought of. I am political, analytic, critical all things that Virgo/Gemini is. The Logos is the Eros to me. <3