sacred whispers blog
Veneration of the Dark Godis is Veneration of the Whole Wombn. Our Power is in Darkness, but first wo-men have to leave our patriarchal conditioning behind - leave the father's house and his rules! Embrace the Way of the Womb!
When I was 19, I was supposed to go to college in Madrid Spain. I didn't go because my mother wasted my trust fund on the OOW children she birthed. It would have been better spent on its intended purpose when the Family gathered and sowed into me. Not wasted because she lacked control over her womb and had more babies than she could afford to raise. Remember, in my case, my mother willingly got impregnated trying to show this man she loved him and trying to breed him a son.
At 19, when the college acceptance letter arrived I screamed. I jumped up and down. Foolishly, I didn't bother to apply for any other schools. I had one track on my mind. Go to Spain, graduate, fall in love, get married, start a business then a family. That was my thinking. Oh, to be young and starry eyed. Lol
Mother promised me she would handle the admission fees and deposits. Since she fucked my trust fund away on her OOW children and her addict peen. You can guess what happened? Instead, one sister went to prom and the other went with her. Prom. Prom y'all. Fucking senior prom for an 11th grade daughter vs eldest child going to college. It wasn't even HER prom...
I swallowed it down initially, but this is the point at which I began to HATE MY MOTHER. if I am honest. I hated the fuck out of her. I cried and prayed and begged god to take it away. But I fucking HATED her. It felt unnaturally right to direct ire and hatred toward her. It began the break down of "sista Soulja" and the construction of FUCK ALL OF YOU BYTCHES ITS MY TURN. All I had done, sacrificed; tolerated. And for what? For this thankless bytch to use the fuck out of me and leave me in the lurch so my sister had a limo and shyt for PROM!!! I was furious. I was beyond furious. I didn't even go to prom. All I ever wanted, the only thing I ever asked her ass for, was college. She made sure she messes up Spain for me. And when I bounced back in Boston? When I did get accepted in Boston? She jacked that up too. She told me: "I can't sign your fafsa I want to go to college and I don't want it to ruin my Chance."
I just cried and made my plan to get away from her. Her goal was for me to never leave. To always be there for her use and make her life easier after she sport fucked her way into poverty and obscurity. Like most single mamas do, you all know. You've had friends or associates. Or you see from social media.
Because I didn't bother to apply to local schools? I had no plan b. My plan a was the all. But, as I have always been A Godis among mortals; I created a new way. And I tucked Spain away in my heart. In the broken place. The place where Dreams Deferred went to die. Or so I thought. Possibilities are endless. The future is not finite, it is filled with infinite possibilities.
Coming here is so healing for me. 11 years later, my dream deferred came true. I made it happen. I sowed these seeds. I watered these trees. Look at the delicious fruits they bear. So happy happy doesn't even describe it.
Off for a full day.
Deva Fiyah is a Priestess, Anthropologist, Feminist, and Feminine historian. She has helped women from all around the world, actualize their Goddess Power, with Healing, Retreats and Courses in Self Mastery.