sacred whispers blog
Veneration of the Dark Godis is Veneration of the Whole Wombn. Our Power is in Darkness, but first wo-men have to leave our patriarchal conditioning behind - leave the father's house and his rules! Embrace the Way of the Womb!
I tried to change. Closed my mouth more, tried to be softer, prettier, less awake. ~Beyonce, Lemonade
When I first saw Beyonce's Lemonade, the above words brought sobs to the surface for me. Because I could relate, as a survivor of male sexual terrorism and its evil sibling, The Savage Sisterhood. I have experienced such gross brutality, along my healing journey. A fate many of us, who have survived sexual terrorism, seem doomed to experience. ~Deva Fiyah
The past few days I've been proud of myself and my sisters. Watching those disloyal women abuse me, call me crazy, tell people I was mentally unstable years ago... Yet not mention I was raped and that RAPE is what caused the PTSD I still suffer, was triggering. It makes you not want to connect to people, at all, while you are healing. I know. I understand and I am sorry you all, we all, had to witness and experience that. It takes a while for us to heal. Some of us never recover, I am thankful for the gift of healing. I am one of the lucky ones. These women wanted to use my formerly unhealed spaces, to destroy me. Why?
All too often, in the black community; when a black girl is sexually abused she is disbelieved. Black girls never get to be girls, we come into the world with the cultural, and now global, expectation that we have the cognitive skills and abilities of full grown, never traumatized, adults. We are expected to shoulder tremendous amounts of emotional, financial, and spiritual burdens. To even dare to say you are hurting, as a black woman, to other black women; is seen as some sort of competition and definitely deemed weakness. In our communities, the females are demanded to be "strong" (read: long-suffering) yet are vulnerable because we have no protection from the males of our race. Moreover, the males of our race are our primary attacker/rapist, and are encouraged to be weak and predatory of our femaleness and femininity. To be soft, vulnerable, open, to need support and understanding often makes bw a target for brutality from bw and bm alike.
Many bw have experienced their own mothers not only invalidating the molestation/rape that occurred, but blaming the girl for it. My own mother, at age 7, was molested during a slumber party, by her friends 14 year old brother. When she told, they convinced her she was having a bad dream. They attacked her psyche, and tried to convince her, she'd made it up. Made her question her sanity, gas-lighting it is called, so they did not have to deal with the discomfort of a male, sexually molesting a 7 year old baby girl. Unfortunately, she grew up to become a woman who continued this sadistic tradition with me, when I was molested as a baby girl. We are called fast in the ass, hot tailed and easy; to dismiss the sexually predatory behavior of black boys and men. Being able to articulate ourselves is tough. Our voices are primarily stomped out, when we have survived sexual terrorism. First by the sexual abuse, and next by the response and reaction of the women in our families and our communities, at large.
Recovering from Sexual Assault is difficult enough on its own. To know that our global climate demands that women "get healing" yet not many are invested in being supportive of women as we achieve that healing, compounds this issue. And too many have a false notion of what that healing should look like. Rape is a curse, do not be deceived, it is a curse against the Divine Feminine. When we have been cursed and we forgive our rapist, we essentially lay down in that energy. We wear it, it steals our life and vitality. We deny ourselves the right to be restored, healed, set free, delivered from the curse of male sexual terrorism.
The Yoni and the Womb are so delicate, such Divine Intimate spaces in our being. When a man has assaulted your yoni, or a woman for that matter, we store it. We hold it. It turns into dis-ease, into physical manifestations that we did not intend and that do not bode well for us. (cancers, high blood pressure, heart disease, dementia, alzheimers and others.)
So many women, who care for me and who also have been raped, reached out concerned for my mental health. I have heard so many stories of countless women who have been similarly such attacked, when they wouldn't permit women to abuse and use them the way the patriarchy abuses and uses us all. It is a pattern of patriarchal abuse and rape culture, enacted by women, that few are brave enough to identify and speak out against. Our women's/goddess/witch/spiritual/religious/secular communities are extremely ill equipped to actually heal and aid raped women. The only people truly qualified to aid and restore raped women; are we who have survived this hell and personally know how to help other women, navigating them out of the destruction that rape and other forms of sexual terrorism wages on our psyche and soul. I declare, as a survivor, anyone who hasn't also survived sexual terrorism is disqualified to help sexually terrorized women. I'm sure you mean well, but I have endured enough abuse to know better by now.
As a survivor and now a Healer, I would never ever entrust a person who hasn't also survived, with my Restoration from Sexual Terrorism.
Fortunately, I granted myself an opportunity to heal and get strong before those black women decided to come for me. Their gang attack on me, a publicly known survivor of sexual assault, is telling of just how and why most black girls never seek help and never speak up about their rapes. We can count on black women to, knowingly, dismiss and discount our rapes, when it is convenient for them to behave savagely to us. Whenever they desire to cut you to the core, count on women to organize against you and use their knowledge of your pain to further brutalize you. We can count on other women to dishonor and disrespect the boundary we establish for our healing; if it gets in the way of their agenda to use us.
I know it was traumatizing, for some of the words used by those bw, to attack me, have been issued against some of us while we were being raped, or after we told. Women are not exempt from being patriarchal oppressors. For years I refused to be vulnerable to other black women, because I was trying to avoid that kind of energetic/spiritual gang rape, like last week. I waited until I was strong enough. Knowing that there are women who are hateful to survivors; and eager to traumatize us, with no regard for the fall out. I'm sorry you all had to see that, but take it as a lesson in just how very little regard even other women have for we who have survived sexual terrorism.
Luna Pierce aka Deva Fiyah is an Anointed Initiate Priestess of the Dark Mother. She is a healer, teacher, mystic woman Anthropologist, Feminist, and Feminine historian. She has helped women from all around the world, actualize their Goddess Power, with Healing, Retreats and Courses in Self Mastery. If you or someone you know needs restoration from sexual terrorism, please sign up for a consultation here.
Deva Fiyah is a Priestess, Anthropologist, Feminist, and Feminine historian. She has helped women from all around the world, actualize their Goddess Power, with Healing, Retreats and Courses in Self Mastery.