show me how you treat your women, and I will show you the condition of your RACE!

I grew up watching this show. I mention this at the outset of the post because I loved seeing the variations in these sisters personalities. I had the Sinclair and Regine beaten (literally) out of my by my mother. She encouraged the aspects of me that were Khadijah and Maxine Shaw. In fact, girlie wanted to be a lawyer because of characters like Maxine Shaw and Claire Huxtable. But the innocent hippy and the Sovereign Lover who honors HER DESIRES AND HER PUSSY FIRST?

Beaten right out of me. Those aspects of me did not serve her needs. And so I was fragmented, split into pieces, so I could serve her purpose instead of God's Purpose for my life. It is an ugly thing that black mothers do to their daughters. Generation after generation this cursed thing continues.

They all do this for the exact same reason my mother did. I love my daddy.... but.... She failed to procure a worthy masculine to sire her children. So she did what most black women do to their daughters. We become the baby daddy she needs but failed to select prior to being bred and abandoned like a stray cat. *sips tea. *blinks daring a mf to try me.

We are treated with no respect, zero empathy and expected to be even smarter than our own mothers were at our age. In many cases, our mothers were simply hot body teenagers who were screwing before they learned anything about themselves. Which is how they became mothers. Seldom do black mothers birth children by choice. Nearly 70% of all Black children are "oops" babies. Borne of mothers who don't believe in abortion... but interestingly believed in raw fornication. So much so they wound up with bastard out of wedlock babies being born.

Funny how that morality works, ain't it yall?

Yes. This is scathing. But fire burns and cleanses. It purifies.

We grow up without loving affection. Too few of us have fathers in the home. I spent my teens and 20's resentful toward my mother and deeming her a weak mf who couldn't live without a man. She is. But there is more to the story too.

She was smarter than the baby mama brigade. She knew we needed a father. She, having had a Patriarch Father who worked hard and provided his family with a home be owned and cared for; knew the value of a man in the home. Also she knew that if you’re gonna be the scarlet letter woman and breed with someone else’s husband, ya beta keep him around at least for appearance sake. And so she did. But it made her utterly miserable, and in that misery, from that self inflicted misery? She mothered and wifed all my childhood. She sacrificed joy, for sensibility and practicality. She did it so “my daughters do not grow up without a father.”

But as a child all I saw is how much it hurt mommy to have my daddy in her life. My loyalty WAS to my mother exclusively. Key word WAS. She will never again receive that kind of dedication, nor will any other single living soul. However, when I was a child I did as a child. And my loyalty went to her. Righteously so, we ate and had shelter because MOTHER Provided. My mother WAS GOD! God is the creator. The maintainer. The sustainer. And she did all of that whether my father contributed or, as was most often the case, not.

She too was raised hard. Her brother was coddled. My father was coddled. If my grandmother wasn't dead the last 30+ years? He would be at home with his mommy, right now today. As it is, he has only ever had lodging, (after he ruined his marriage making love to my mother, and producing me.) when he had a “woman.”

The fact remains that because his mother coddled him, and her mother rode her like a mule? Always a harsh word from my granny to my mom.... she wasn’t ready or properly prepared for life. Because of this? My parents were ill matched. Mother wanted a Patriarch, as was her father. But a gentle soul which her career military father was not. My father is a gentle soul he was raised to be a Good Son. Not a Good Man, Good Husband, Good Lover, Good friend.

Black women raise insufficient male children. And the whole race suffers. Yes I said it. We have to do better as mothers. You’re not raising your son. You are raising someone’s husband and father. Someone’s lover. For the love of all that is good and holy, raise your boys! Stop “loving on them” raise them! Remember he is someone’s future husband, future lover, future father, future friend. And raise him to be that!

I've learned though, it's cultural, some of the norms we see in the black race. My fathers family is Maroon native. The women run the tribe. The men just seed and do the manual labor. Lol. My mothers family are Caribs. lol Bajan men work hard, it's what they know. They work hard, they secure the house and put the wife in it. Lol. It's the culture for men of my grandfathers time. But my mothers cohort were not prepared for the lazy, ungrateful, entitled, petty males that populate the earth in our race, today. I certainly was not prepared.

And I see this of black American women. They, like my fathers mother, are raising good sons. Not strong patriarchs.
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So when I found this post by J. Renee I wanted to share. Cuz I agree.

By Jenn Renee: Black Girls grow up to have beef with their mothers because we grow up in homes where our mothers are not affectionate with us. Our mothers are not gentle or soft with us. There’s very much a “no love lost” relationship between mothers and daughters. In general our mothers raised us. Our mothers did what they needed to do to get us through but there was no empathy for us growing up. So we go through life carrying that with us. Being hard and trying to adhere to the lessons that we were taught growing up.

M”e”n on the other hand don’t typically grow up to hate or dislike their mothers. Even the worst mom will get the love and the affection of her son and the reason is because m”e”n are coddled and guided through life by their mothers. So much so that when they grow up and become what by society standards is an adult m”a”n they are so angry with the world because the world is not treating them in the same manner that their mom has been treating them. They are used to getting their way. They are used to being catered too and taken care of. They are used to being absolved of any and all responsibility and accountability that they grow up expecting the rest of the world to treat them like that.

“We” dont have it like that. We are taught from an early age that everything IS our fault and anything good or bad is a direct result of our actions and our actions alone. Black men are coddled and sheltered with an “understanding” that the game has already been rigged to see them fail. “The man”, the “system”, women, jobs, education...none of it was made with them in mind (which is true but thats not the point). If something doesn’t go their way or something happens in their life the first instinct of most m”e”n is to place blame on some other person or persons in order to explain why they specifically are unable to “can”.

Women, on the other hand, are raised with an understanding that it is our responsibility to “make shit happen” and no one on this earth is going to give us a thing. We are raised with the understanding that we have to “earn” everything that we acquire and if it is unreachable it is directly related to and as a result of “our” laziness and inability to perform to standard.

Its only been in the last year or two that Black women (specifically - no Sally this isnt your conversation) have begun using the words, “I deserve...” and even still there are still a high number of Black women who still believe that if she doesn’t damn near kill herself trying to “get it”, she is unworthy of whatever it is she is trying to achieve.

This is the reason why you will see such a high number of black women who are by definition classified as “over achievers” and why so many m”e”n cant seem to “get it together”.

We address this in my Mother Wound healing and Father Wound healing. If you're interested? Sign up here for either session. Or you can sign up for my Mama Lessons class here.

**Sign me up!