The Power of being un-liked: The Gift of Self Perspective

I have issued myself a challenge regarding how I articulate my thoughts. With Angry Devas, the whole point was for me to be as crass, forward and brash as possible. To learn to be comfortable with making others uncomfortable. This was hard for me. I created it, so I could keep on living after being raped. I did the show every day, to stay alive. Angry Deva Saved my life, I clung to her like a baby for 3 years. Almost stunting my growth.

My rage came from rape, my anger came from rape and betrayal. So... The women who are upset with me, for cussin, fussin, and taking no shyt? Are women who would have preferred that I stayed quiet and unhealed. They don't care to understand what rape does to us. Some use our journey to jab at us, rape culture is enacted by women too.

Angry Devas, as I said from the outset, was for me. I created Angry Devas so I had a place to recover and restore after sexual assault trauma. I needed an outlet, a place to access and wield my Righteous Indignation. I had to get it out of my system. We encourage expression even self expression; until we dislike how someone expresses themselves. Until we begin to deem ourselves as greater or higher than another and tell them how they should be, or react, or heal. The world is abusive to raped women, too. Perhaps worse.

Healing doesn't look the same for everyone. Some people need to forgive. Some need to move on.

And some of us, we beautiful messes? We require vengeance, to be restored. That vengeance often gets waged against the soul, when we do not express ourselves, our true feelings. For years, I was angry. I was angry at bm, because it was a bm who raped me, who molested me, who abused me sexually. It was always a bm. I was angry with bw, starting with my mother. Because she failed to protect me. As a girl, I did not allow myself to feel that anger at all. I certainly never expressed it. I was angry with women who have sons, because they are the ones who give birth to the men who rape us.

Every bit of that is righteous. Is it fair? Nope. But it is righteous and easily understood by anyone of intelligence. Anyone with intellect can see How and why a woman who has been abused and maligned would or could become so rage filled. Yet still, for all my anger, for every vitriolic word, for all the cussin and fussin? I managed to not break any laws, nor harm anyone, or any of it. I established my boundary, as a Priestess, I told folks straight up what would happen to them if they crossed it. And most importantly, I used my tongue as a sword.
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The beauty of it all, is that no true damage has ever been done. Sure. Bunches of women who have not given themselves permission to be bold; got upset. I've burned many a bridge, and unflinchingly stood my ground. I was going to rage on, until I no longer needed to. I was going to push out everything that wasn't serving me, regardless of who didn't like it.

I gave myself permission, for the first time in my lifetime; to be hated and despised by others. We women are taught to be pleaser's, and to put ourselves last. We are taught to seek love, to want love, to care about how others perceive of us.

We are never taught the power of not being liked, nor the gift of Self Perspective. I gave these to myself. And in doing so? I also gave them to other women. I created Angry Deva to model what we aren't supposed to do. You can't be pissed, or hurt, you can't fire back, you're a woman! We aren't supposed to be angry, we aren't supposed to check people who cross the line. But if we had balls, they would worship our bravery. Sister you have a right to your own journey. It won't make sense to everyone. They won't like it. Or you. But to hell with them! You didn't come here to live to as a slave to the pleasure of others. You came to have life abundantly. Delight in yourself. Your journey belongs to you alone.

I have never claimed perfection. I only desire to be better than what rape left within me. One day at a time. Helping whomever I can along the way.


Deva Fiyah, a formerly Angry Deva

Luna Pierce aka Deva Fiyah is an Anointed Initiate Priestess of the Dark Mother. She is a healer, teacher, mystic woman Anthropologist, Feminist, and Feminine historian. She has helped women from all around the world, actualize their Goddess Power, with Healing, Retreats and Courses in Self Mastery.

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