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The Angry Deva's Blog

Veneration of the Dark Godis is Veneration of the Whole Wombn. Our Power is in Darkness, but first wo-men have to leave our patriarchal conditioning behind - leave the father's house and his rules! Embrace the Way of the Womb!

How to reconcile being a Virgin when you have been sexually assaulted?

9/19/2014

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In my heart, I knew I had never had sex. In my mind came the flash backs of forced entry and bruised consciousness. I tried to reconcile, was I a 'Pure Virgin' if I had been molested? Does it count against my purity? Had I failed to keep my body as a living sacrifice by being assaulted?

For years I told no one. I battled this duplicitous thought pattern on my own until finally at 23 I went to therapy. It is there that I shared for the first time with someone that I had been molested as a child. That I had been raped as a grown woman at 20. That I felt guilt and remorse preceding my "first time" with my then boyfriend. I had maintained I had "never been touched" for too many painful and confusing years. I felt I had to, to protect myself and because I was confused about my blame. It is absolutely horrible that we live in a society that blames little girls for the gross abuses of full grown men.

How indeed, does a girl child, reconcile "never been touched" in a sexually consenting situation with unwanted touches, and stolen innocence? How to make sense of this while an ever increasing familial and religious pressure to "keep my body as a living sacrifice. Holy and acceptable" before a male god surrounded me? A male god who considered me a sinful temptress and even endorsed the raping of virgins in his texts?

When I finally found my way out of patriarchal religion, when I ame stumbling forth as The Goddess... I understood. I came to understand how, before the patriarchy and before the men came, Virgin meant a Wombn who was unowned and not controlled by a man. It meant the sovereignty of the Female and the feminine, the celebration of her sexuality as belonging to her alone to express however she deems worthy. And I understood, all of this, slut shaming, male sexual entitlement culture, rape culture, and victim blaming was created to absolve the predators at the expense of the womb and the Wombn.

To keep our bodies as a living sacrifice, meant to be the sacrifice for male sexual defining, privilege, abuse and terrorism. Reclaiming Virgin, remembering that the Virgin Oracle Priestess were unmarried, Matriarchal, Mother Rite loving Wombn has restored me. It has helped to heal those confusions i formerly experienced around my sexuality. It has reinvigorated my declaration that the Power of Naming belongs to the Goddess/Godis, and that the Goddess/Godis is a Living Breathing Female Being. She is you, she is me. She is immortal.

Blissed be the Virgin Wombn. She who will not submit to patriarchy, or their definitions.

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    Angry Deva's

    Writing is my Joy and Pleasure. I've been writing creative pieces, analytic pieces and empirical pieces since I learned how! I use my pen and prose to expose people to things they either don't know or never thought of. I am political, analytic, critical all things that Virgo/Gemini is.  The Logos is the Eros to me. <3
    #thecontroversialoracle

    Witty, Wise, Fierce, Fiyah Personified! This Bitch Godis everything you feared, all you wish to avoid, and everything about yourself you hate or wish ya could be. ;)

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    • The Eros Oraxle
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    • Restoration after Trauma Consultation >
      • Trauma Restoration Mentorship
    • Dark Angels Reading
    • Dark Love Reading
  • Mentorship
  • Yoniversity
    • Cosmic Yoni Egg
    • Yoni Language 1: The Sacred Art of Yoni Breathing
    • Yoni Language 2: Sensual Magic of the Dark Godis
    • Yoni Language 3: The Art of Energy Movement
    • Yoni Language 4: Feminine Pleasure Privilege
    • The Power of O
    • Womb Songs: Yoni Egg Meditation
  • Book Studies
    • Mami Wata Bookstudy
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  • Master Classes
    • Sacred Intonations >
      • Mantra Guru
    • New Classes >
      • Mindful Manifestation
      • The Art of Sex Magic
      • The Art of Spiritual Cleansing
      • Activating the Dark Goddess Within
      • Sonic Sensual Healing
      • The TRUE COST of family dysfunction
      • The Art of Feminine Seduction
      • Breaking the Poverty Chaos Curse
      • Art of Siren Seduction
      • Transcendental Logos
      • The Holiness of Help
      • Yoni Language: the Dark Art of Subjugation
      • Dark Magic: The Lost Art of Dark Glamour
      • SEASON OF THE WITCH: ​PRIESTESS WISDOM FOR MODERN BW
      • Creating God in You
      • Sistarhood Infrastructure Call
      • Manifestation Circle
      • Dark Mother Invocation
  • Shop
  • Priestess of Pleasure Initiation
  • Thriving after Surviving; The Healers Guide
  • The Luminous Path: Awakening your Divine Gifts
  • The Resurrection Retreat