How to reconcile being a Virgin when you have been sexually assaulted?

In my heart, I knew I had never had sex. In my mind came the flash backs of forced entry and bruised consciousness. I tried to reconcile, was I a 'Pure Virgin' if I had been molested? Does it count against my purity? Had I failed to keep my body as a living sacrifice by being assaulted?

For years I told no one. I battled this duplicitous thought pattern on my own until finally at 23 I went to therapy. It is there that I shared for the first time with someone that I had been molested as a child. That I had been raped as a grown woman at 20. That I felt guilt and remorse preceding my "first time" with my then boyfriend. I had maintained I had "never been touched" for too many painful and confusing years. I felt I had to, to protect myself and because I was confused about my blame. It is absolutely horrible that we live in a society that blames little girls for the gross abuses of full grown men.

How indeed, does a girl child, reconcile "never been touched" in a sexually consenting situation with unwanted touches, and stolen innocence? How to make sense of this while an ever increasing familial and religious pressure to "keep my body as a living sacrifice. Holy and acceptable" before a male god surrounded me? A male god who considered me a sinful temptress and even endorsed the raping of virgins in his texts?

When I finally found my way out of patriarchal religion, when I ame stumbling forth as The Goddess... I understood. I came to understand how, before the patriarchy and before the men came, Virgin meant a Wombn who was unowned and not controlled by a man. It meant the sovereignty of the Female and the feminine, the celebration of her sexuality as belonging to her alone to express however she deems worthy. And I understood, all of this, slut shaming, male sexual entitlement culture, rape culture, and victim blaming was created to absolve the predators at the expense of the womb and the Wombn.

To keep our bodies as a living sacrifice, meant to be the sacrifice for male sexual defining, privilege, abuse and terrorism. Reclaiming Virgin, remembering that the Virgin Oracle Priestess were unmarried, Matriarchal, Mother Rite loving Wombn has restored me. It has helped to heal those confusions i formerly experienced around my sexuality. It has reinvigorated my declaration that the Power of Naming belongs to the Goddess/Godis, and that the Goddess/Godis is a Living Breathing Female Being. She is you, she is me. She is immortal.

Blissed be the Virgin Wombn. She who will not submit to patriarchy, or their definitions.