The Angry Deva's Blog
Veneration of the Dark Godis is Veneration of the Whole Wombn. Our Power is in Darkness, but first wo-men have to leave our patriarchal conditioning behind - leave the father's house and his rules! Embrace the Way of the Womb!
On my way to work one morning, i had a canvas bag of books and my purse. In said purse was a damn quarter and a bus pas and work badge. I had JUST paid my (at the time) $1375 rent and all the house bills. I was working some grunt entry level position and not paid much.
Anyway, it was 8am, and I'm walking the 2 blocks from my house to the bus for work. My Spidey senses tingled and i became very alert to all the males present on the street. There were 6 men standing around, all dressed like bums, hanging around near the liquor store, waiting for it to open. It was the usual crop of 6 bum ass men, so i didn't see anything out of the norm to warrant the alert. I almost dismissed it... Suddenly this young black male, probably about 15-16 years old, gets up off a porch and heads toward me. I always trust my intuition, my Eye doesn't lie to me.
I loosened my grip on my purse handle. I made a habit at the time of carrying metal handled purses. It was like my lil "fashionista thing" at the time. :) gloved hands, metal rings, easy hold. Not 30 seconds later, he grabbed my purse, but couldn't take it. With my left hand, i proceeded to beat the living fvuk outta that man. He fell to the ground, i hit him again this time harder with the books and then got up n ran.
Remember those 6 bum ass men? Well they began to admonish me!
"You didnt have to beat him like that. He was probably just hungry."
I spent years trying to figure that out. Foolish waste of time. I was horrified that these black men didnt try to help me, and admonished me for not falling further victim to this assault and robbery. I blamed MYSELF! I told myself it was because i Dress well and always look like God Personified, they assumed i had something more than a quarter and a damn bus pass for value on my person. they assumed i could afford the hit, they assumed i deserved the hit, they assumed it was no big deal. Black men assume it is no big deal for black women and girls to be assaulted and robbed by other black men or boys.
It makes no difference, the true point is that grown adult able bodied men sat by and watched. and that a perpetual culture of black Wombn blaming meant even i sought to blame myself. "If i had gone a different way... If i never moved into this neighborhood. If i only knew that this neighborhood was like this" i blamed myself. The blame falls squarely on the shoulders of the male who attacked me, and the black men who stood watch. The black men who admonished me, who likely knew that boy was going to rob me. Who might even have sent that boy to come attack me. They were rooting for HIM the attacker, to be triumphant over me and to succeed in stealing from me and traumatizing me.
I never said a word to that cohort bum ass black men. I just bought less food and took cabs to work until i could move out of that area. College age Black women, splurge and don't live in black neighborhoods. You aren't safe there. In retrospect, it would have been worth it to work two jobs and pay the $1600 in rent to not live in a neighborhood where this kind of assault in broad daylight can occur. Where men, able bodied men, can watch and admonish you, a young Wombn, for defending yourself.
Lesson learned. Black woman? You arent safe in neighborhoods where black men roam. And we never will be. Black men will not bang on the brothers for us. They never have and never will.
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Writing is my Joy and Pleasure. I've been writing creative pieces, analytic pieces and empirical pieces since I learned how! I use my pen and prose to expose people to things they either don't know or never thought of. I am political, analytic, critical all things that Virgo/Gemini is. The Logos is the Eros to me. <3