The Key to Black Failure: the Mother Daughter Relationship ©

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I have listened to young women crave the wisdom of their mothers all through their lives. I have seen mothers pull back on connecting with their daughters when a man appears in their lives. Mothers! Your daughters will need your guidance until she feels ready to take on her own womenhood, but we just dont know what age that will be. Teach them to believe in themselves but teach yourself first.

~ The She Oak

I am a Black Daughter recovering from an abusive, neglectful, demoralizing Mother Wound based relationship with my mama.. As such, I have Vowed to not have any children. i have decided to dedicate this lifetime to the work that no other woman in my bloodline has ever accomplished. The Journey to the Center of the Soul Self. In embarking upon this journey? I have slowly but surely taken little bits of myself back! I have reclaimed things that we are expected to just hand over for free. Like motherhood, and birthing. I do not agree that men should be blessed with children for free. I firmly believe that if women charged men to birth, the rape, murder and abandonment of children by men would drastically decline. But that is a topic for another day. ;)



When i was but a child of 13, i said:



"this stops with me!"

Little did I know, at the time, that this simple statement would prove to be the Catalyst for change; not only in my life, but in the lives of all around me. It changed the relationship between me and my mother. I no longer looked at her as an innocent, and ignorant, victim of her life. I began to view her as a willful agent of oppression and complicit participant in her own misery.

The magical thing about such a revelation? It meant that in being able to see her, I could see my past and how it had the Power to shape, mold and make my future. However, at the time, I was much too young, too battered, and too underdeveloped to really process the weight of this revelation. It became a life long journey; one that has molded my work, birthed this Angry Deva's thang, and brought us together here, Dear Reader.

This relationship, this mother wound, infected my life, during my formative years, and has made it near impossible for me to trust another black woman. On the one hand, this is great! Because in this world, trust must be EARNED and well kept! Yet on the other hand? It means I simply prefer the Hermit life, to that of engaging other women. It is so much simpler to Walk Alone! To be the Solitary Witchy Bitch Godis!

The sad part?

I am not alone, here. And many women actually want and even need these vital connections to one another. The best piece of advice i can offer:

Keep your circle small. Vet the bytches, often! Close them out in certain seasons of your life, realize the value they each add, and subtract, to your life! We do not value our love, and accordingly we hand our love, inspiration, brilliance, gifting, anointing to undeserving viper beasts in female flesh. Gird your loins, learn your craft and tap dat azz, when necessary!

Many, countless, girls and women are subject to this manner of abusive early childhood formation. In fact, this is the NORM for black motherhood. Abuse of black girls by black women is normal. Destructive picking, sabotaging advice, dream dashing, jealous criticism, fanatical inability to introspect, hostile projections, this is the absolute normal way black mothers relate to their daughters. And what is worse? Is that black mothers refuse to see, own, address this. My own certainly hasnt and likely will die never having done so, but i made a vow that it ENDED with me! So I am focused on that which, in practice, grants us the ability to truly heal and actually see what is going on around and within us.

What has helped me, in understanding and application, is the realization that there are only TWO types of people on this planet.

Mothers and CHILDREN of The Mother 

If you are NOT a MOTHER you are a CHILD of MAMA. Though, I find this to be a PRIVILEGE. It is a Privilege to be a Child of the Mother, as well it is a Privilege to be a Mother. Women, regardless of sexual orientation, marital status, relationship status, are privileged for being Mothers over women who are not mothers. Their Womanhood is validated and accepted, yet maligned and heavily policed, in ways that we Child-Free, or Children of the Mother, arent granted. This privileging of women for breeding has long since driven a deep wedge between women. The forced "choice" to breed in captivity has had innumerable consequences on women as a class. And black women in particular bear the greatest cost of all as this dis-ease is manifesting in our health even. 

The mother dawta relationship is the SINGLE MOST important relationship in a womans life. Unfortunately, due to this false "father is necessary" cultural myth; black women privilege the relationship to her dick-of-the-day over the one to her daughter. This shouldnt come as a shock though! Because she was encouraged, very early on, to devalue the relationship to her Daughter Self (her inner daughter or Maiden) to secure this "relationship" with a dick. (I am purposely reducing men to penises. Because they simply serve no other purpose in a womans life. It is on purpose that I dehumanize these creatures. Because we privilege a thing we dont know or understand, based on antiquated ignorance passed off as "right and exact")

If her MOTHER is jacked up in RELATING to her, it screws up ALL OTHER RELATIONSHIPS. This places an undue burden on the dawta, on womanhood, on maidenhood. And this is the crux of the issues black women face today. Oh yes, its real cute to call black women "cray" and "rachet" or "angry"; not quite so cute to admit that our unchecked rogue black motherhood is damaging the daughters and thus the Quality of Black womanhood. No one wants to deal with the Angry Daughter, yet we do want her to go away. To shut up; to act right and make us look good. We want her to deny her womanhood, close her legs and oh god dont have no babies. We tell them dont get pregnant! Not till you are being too successful, then we will encourage the babies; a sick pathology that is inherent in blackness and among black women. In fact, strange women i dont even know often inquire about "when you gone have you one" and "ya gotta have at least one."

We have turned our daughters into nothing more than baby factories! Black Motherhood is a simple broodmare agreement. She is in heat, the stud is available, and 9 months later "we" have a baby. We value her ability to breed black, regardless of the quality of black person such breeding produces. 

Most Mothers, in the black community, only know how to be the slave masters overseers. If we will be honest, ya wont though, black people arent raising their children, the dominant white culture is! White culture has told black parents how to raise, relate to, and manage their children for the past 80 years. They, white dominant culture, have used the:

• *Education industrial complex
• *Prison industrial complex,
• *Medical industrial complex and the
• *Military/police industrial complex

to color, define, restrict, influence, and manipulate entirely, the ways that black folks relate to their children. The children go to the school when and where Mr. White Culture says. They work when Mr. White Culture says. They pay taxes because Mr. White Culture told their parents they had to, they go to college to "get a good job" because that is also what Mr. White Culture told them to. Black folks beat their children, to encourage high performance in Mr. White Cultures education industrial complex, and to discourage their entry (which is a failed concept entirely from start to finish) into Mr. White Culture's prison industrial complex.

There used to be a time when we NEEDED to LORD over our children to keep them safe. Now? With the SUPERIOR avatar children being borne? With the Starseed, Starwalker, God Being energy being BIRTHED. We must admit that the CHILD of the Mother is the TEACHER of the Mother as well. I know we THINK that the mother should know better. SHE DOES NOT. She can only repeat what her mother was to her, which is a model to her daughter (and thus yet another Generation of Black womanhood) that this is the way to be Black and Female.

Someone has to break the cycle, and it is NOT a work that can be done in the LIGHT and blind arena. This is some DARK shyt. This type of work requires entering the deep recesses of our mind, consulting Dark Wisdom and completely embracing the ugly truth. The truth about how we have repeated these detrimental ways of life and living to our future generations chagrin.

When the Elder feminine is out of order, when she is touting how she's "a grown ass woman, not some 20 something" what we need to see is, she is reacting to an absent Mother Force Presence in her life. When we Young Maidens have absolutely no consideration for the "feelings" of others via our expressions? This is yet another reaction to an Absent Mother Force Presence in her life. We who grew up black and female grew up without Mothers. Regardless to her presence and work, she was never a mother. She was a broodmare, a domestic servant, but never a Mother. Women arent truly allowed to be MOTHERS in this patriarchal society. No, the Soul of the Mother has been scooped out by the culture of anti-womb centrality; long before that woman ever have birth. And deeper still, as we each carry our future generations into the world WITH US; each generation of women and girls to come has also been contaminated by the anti-womb centrality culture.

When you KNOW SOMETHING, you stand BOLDLY on it. No matter HOW MANY folks run to their inbox to talk shyt about you. No matter HOW MANY people try to reduce your GNOSIS to some bs to fit THEIR bonked understandings and lack of FUSION in Matriarchal CURRENCY, STAND.

The Mother Dawta relationship is the SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIP ON THE PLANET. Unfortunately, that means that the females who are phallus strokers PLAYING matriarchy are a part of the problem. Their presence means an every day Unending War on your Quest for Sovereignty. We have to be WITH one accord, (within! Remember: out of self comes all else) and because we cannot accomplish THAT, we ain't about to do SHYT as a collective. INDIVIDUAL black women will win.

the masses will NOT.

Self Centered Focus is the All! ~ The Oracle Shaman