The Mother Wound: Our Mothers Suffered So we Wouldn't Have to.

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In my teen years, I worked primarily with black girls. I worked with the children of battered women. I did youth gang violence prevention. I'm talkin out in the streets, making shyt safer.

I routinely faced opposition from those children's mothers. They were all broken, bitter, unhealed and overworked mothers. Wounded mothers create wounded daughters who are over parentified. We grow up care-taking our mothers. When it should be the other way around. We support mother, help her and all that!!! And she is supposed to be supporting us, helping us! Her damn help is supposed to come from the penis that pinned her with the babies she chose to bring into the world.

That isn't what happens with wounded mothers though.

Growing up with a wounded mother myself, it didn't take me long to see what was happening. It didn't take me long to see that the mothers were pushing back out of jealousy and envy. Their daughters were going on trips, to the theatre and to museums; while she stayed home. So, like a jealous and bitter woman tends to do; she starts being extra hard on her daughter. To find a way to punish her so the daughter can't go either. My mother routinely did this to me. And when I stopped doing anything but going to school and going to church, my mother then began to try and ration church activities.

For example: my father would come home loaded out of his mind. He would take to the fridge and begin eating food at random. Leaving a mess in his wake, he would stumble to the livin room and pass out. And I would be beaten awake in the middle of the night by my mother, who would be screaming about how I left her kitchen a mess and didn't clean up before bed time. "And that's why Ya ass ain't singing in the choir this Sunday either. Until you can learn to obey my rules!"

I do not know how I maintained any love for this woman. I guess it's the reason I always had a heart for battered women and girls. Because the women were battered by the men, and the girls were battered by their weak mothers, who took out the abuse they tolerated from men on their daughters. I had lived it, I think that finding myself in shelters helping other girls and women kept me sane. It kept me from breaking and it also kept me sweet. I knew what I was surviving was bad, but I also knew it could be worse. I didn't complain, I just found a way to make a difference.

That was me as a child. A teenager.

As an Immortal, I know that when one teaches, two learn. And in helping those girls, I was actually helping myself.

I see now, the way to enact change in the lives of black daughters is to heal their battered mothers. As a child, I tried in vain to force help onto my mother. It was selfish, I needed her to be better because I was afraid I would snap one day and whop dat trick! Because I needed her, I was a child and my father was an addict. The only alternative were aunties with rapist husbands or foster system filled with rapist males and idiot females who hate children and love money. Or who get children for the men in their lives to fuck, so he won't leave her or so he won't fuck her children.

I learned early on that women are the gateway and gatekeepers. And that if I wanted to see black girls have a better life, I would have to leave them be and help their mamas.

This is why I kick your sorry emotional ass. Fuck your feelings, I am thinking of the daughters. You grown women? YALL will be ok! You need someone to shock you, to remind you of what it was like to be a girl. You grow up and become dickmatized and forget the horrors of being black and female in this world.

My GodMother said to me, through tears one day, that I was an Angel for the Children. I tried to interject but she shut me up. She made me hear her. She said I am the Guardian Angel of the Children and that I possessed an ancient Mother Spirit. She said I was the "evil mother" who was willing to kill for the children.

I whispered, Kali-Ma. And she came out of her trance. My GodMother is a church going woman. She relates everything. To Jesus. She said to me "if Mary was a Black woman she was you!"

Oh Mary don't you weep. Oh Martha don't you moan...

My work now focuses on helping women heal the connection to their Daughter Self. You all grew up with horrible mothers, or with good mothers, but all of them wounded. This is what it means to be female in a thriving male centered culture that has erased the primacy and supremacy of the Feminine. The erasure of the Divinity of the Feminine is the Wounding of the Mother. And then mothers participate in the ritualistic wounding, by initiating their children into the belief system that cements it. Abrahamic faith based male diety centered religions all were created to wound the Mother and Usurp her crown.

It is plucking out your own eye, and lamenting the blindness.

Wounded Mothers. Mother Wounds. They must be healed. You must challenge how you were raised. And challenge what is driving you to make your parenting choices.

For if you continue to mother in fear, you may as well drown your children and bury them. Make it quick and get it over with. Think about all the unpacking of bs you had to do.

Do you really want to recreate that with your children?

Let's go get your wings back mama. So you and your daughter can fly together.


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