I deeply respect the process of growth. The more I grow.

But what I have learned, is that u cannot FORCE a thing to grow. You cannot force a seed to sprout. All you can do is prepare conditions it needs, for it to do what nature intends for it to do.

You can plant it in fertile soil. Give it water and good sun.

But if a damn bird come pick ya seed out the dirt? Guess what? It will NOT grow.

Trauma is like a bird picking the seeds you planted, out of the fertile soil u planted it into. When one experiences trauma, it creates physical, emotional, mental and spiritual harms. And these harms often inhibit or completely hinder your ability to grow/move forward in life.

Then you blame yourself.

No darlin. It’s not u.

What happened to u is not your fault. But it is your responsibility to heal and to grow.

When you are in trauma? You cannot SEE yourself properly. You cannot see the situation you are in properly. All you can see is the trauma/drama/pain. Your too close to it. It takes some distance from the event, lots of healing work and self redevelopment work to come back from trauma.

It is not EASY!

The reason I do the spiritual trauma healing work for you, is to make the mountain surmountable. Without that work, it remains insurmountable. You are incapable of growth. All your seeds have been picked out of the fertile earth, by birds of prey. The predators who attack u, the abusers, they are just like birds in the garden. After you have sown.

You cannot reap, when someone/thing else is feeding on what you first sowed. When someone/thing else has picked what you sowed out of the fertile earth and devoured it.

We have to get yo shyt back for you to replant it.

And it is my true LIFE HONOR to do so. All I ever wanted, from the moment the church told us about generational curses when I was 15? Was to be the curse breaker. I never knew I would leave the church and become a Priestess to do it. But I vowed I would be one who breaks curses.

It has been a desire of mine that I have fulfilled. And am proud to perform rites and rituals to help other women heal and eventual return to growth.

That which does not grow is dead.

Being the walking dead is a dishonor to your soul light, to your purpose, to your life, to your mother who risked her life to birth you. It is dishonorable to the First Law of Nature which is self preservation. It is dishonorable to the laws of Spirit.

You owe you much more than that sis. Your story cannot end at “this nigha raped me” or “my mama abused me” or “my daddy wasn’t there.” Or whatever your story. Even if not named here. You still deserve better Than that outcome.

Dying in trauma is not acceptable. There is a reason you found me. Don’t squander it. Don’t self sabotage. Do not let trauma win.

Choose you. Choose your growth.

Last night during massage, the girl found that old injury I hide.

I tripped up the steps in high school my sophomore year. Our damn school has these moronic metal steps! And I tripped and knocked the Hell out of my toe on it. Just the one toe. I promise ya, it was fractured.

My mother being who she was, neglectful, indifferent, no empathy; this wasn’t important enough to warrant a free state insurance paid trip to the dr. Anything to do with my health that was beyond an annual checkup was a “burden.” So instead of getting X-rays and understanding what happened to me and how to heal it? I was left to just let it resolve itself.

To this day that toe gives me trouble. To this day, I have a relationship to injuries that makes me have to fight my trained/programmed responses. And actually address the problems.

Spiritually? I’m quick wit it. I don’t fuck around. I swiftly handle any emotional or spiritual trauma.

Physical trauma is a different ballgame. And I recognize it and am challenging it.

I’m laying there last night. Enduring that blistering pain of a trauma that never got healed. And fighting the thoughts of complacency. “This is supposed to be my Monday relaxation and release ritual. And now I gotta instead feel effing pains” I realized how I had been subconsciously manipulating the therapist for years to avoid the painful parts. And I told her I was doing it without even consciously realizing I was engaging avoidance. Over confrontation and resolution of the issue.

What is mind blowing about this? Is how it ministered to me as a Priestess. “This is what ur clients are going through. When u confront spiritual and emotional traumas they never healed? They choose manageable pain that is familiar. Over unimaginable pain that is unknown. They know the trauma. They have coping mechanisms for them. Just like u have for that toe. It’s the work to heal the pain the trauma created, that feels impossible and they are resistant to.”

My Dark Self is amazing. I respect her wisdom and ability to take lessons for herself/me, and see how our lessons can help others.

Sisters. Trust me I know it ain’t easy. I never once in all these years, said it was.

But baby is it worth it.

The shyt hurt. I won’t lie. But my toe feels better and more mobile than it has in years. It’s impacted how I walk, it has put stress on my ankles and knees. Trying to accommodate this physical trauma my mama taught me to carry and bear.

Can u think, just for a second, about the negative impacts that your emotional and spiritual trauma have had on your walk in life?

My FAVORITE auntie and I were out and about. We began talking men. She knows I hate this. Because well, she's always trying to get me to be more tolerant of males. Ugh I appreciate it. Lol but girl bye. 😂😂

​
However, this time she said something that rang my bell. She took me back to when her babies were young. said, she was home, struggling with 3 babies under 6 and her husband was pulling 80 hour weeks. HOW he is alive still? Idk. But that Black Masculine nearly killed himself, to make sure his wife and his baby girls were safe. It is the reason I always loved Lucious n Cookie (totally the old version of them!) uncle Lucious still works his as off. The man is well into 60, their final two teens are almost all grown up. Aunt cookie is the old lady in the shoe. Lol had so many children, she didn't know what to do.

Anyway, she said she was upset he wasn't home helping her. She was stressed, her mama was a hot ass mess so unavailable to lend support. Things just were tough. She said she kept praying to God and asking God to send her someone she could encourage and be encouraged by. A sister in arms.

"And Baby, that is when I met your mom. See, your mamas problem is she could not live without a man. She didn't know any other life. I think it has something to do with your grandmother and grandfathers marriage and their home life. But your mama was adamant about a man in her life and her bed. No matter how or what your father did.

One day, I was at my mothers house complaining about my husband, and your father. My mother said to me, and she always had her way of dropping these bombs on you and walking off. But she says 'I might not bitch about a man who works all the time. At least he isn't here because he is working.' She walked out my kitchen with my baby and left me sitting there. I will never forget it. Your mama was my answered prayer. I tried to teach her, for your sake and your sisters sake. I did my best."

With tears streaming down my face, I said to my auntie "I know you did. And I know you're here to help me fully restore all those things mama tried to break in me."
She said, "no. You've done all that on your own. I'm just here to remind you, it's ok to need someone other than just you. Community is an important value you once held. Don't give it up because your family was a hot ass mess. Find your family, build your village!"

I absolutely do. And I test mf. You don't get to come into the village without being subjected to vigorous testing. I gotta make sure you aren't infected with that penis bug. You know the one, the sacrifice-it-all-for-some-peen, bug!

This convo did 3 things for me:

Thing 1: I released the unowned anger at my husband for working so much and being away so often. My fathers ass was disappeared on binges. Not making money but squandering it on addictions. Auntie Cookie and uncle Luscious healed that up good.

Thing 2: validated what I saw as a young girl. Mama never kept his ass around for us. It was for her.
Everyone saw it. It wasn't just need! These women LIE saying they don't want their kids to grow up without a father.

Thing 3: sign up for Mama Lessons to learn more.http://www.angrydevas.com/mama-lessons.html

My husband grew up watching his mother struggle. He watched his father be insufficient. He watched his brother cry himself to sleep at night because he was hungry. It stuck with him. It made him the man he is today. He survived his childhood, his mother's foolish breeding choices and got to work.

He then put a plan in action to always be bringing in more money for his family. The wonderful thing is, even if we should part? He will continue to care for me, protect me and provide for me. I do as I please in this marriage, he still supports me and invests in me. He only asks that I not prevent him from providing for me and protecting me, no matter what happens. This is what a real masculine does. I never saw this level of investment or protection before in my life. The level of devotion.... I put him to the test. In the most ugly of ways. Still, he remains committed to being The Masculine Devotee of THIS Godis.

Admittedly? I grew up with yellow lunch slips. I grew up without enough food or clothes. I grew up with the struggle of an idiotic black mother who ALLOWED herself to be impregnated by a dysfunctional nothing ass black male, 4 times. Not only did she allow this She sought it out. He never had a choice. She told us this herself. She told me "you all were my choice! Your father never had a say."

I go in on bottom bytches because I was raised by one lol. I know exactly how you foolish women think. Keep this in mind when you try to tell me sob stories about your idiotic decisions with men. I've no empathy for you.

When I met my husband? I didn't know how to be taken care of. I didn't know how to get out of a man's way doing what he should do. I didn't know how to allow him to cherish and provide for me. I felt like I was going crazy. I really did, it was a crisis of identity. The wo-man my mother raise me to be vs the Godis I Am.
Mama lessons told me "don't ever rely on a man" because mama bred with addict peen. She didn't have to. She chose it, she had a proposal from a man who worked and owned land. She turned him down and bred my daddy sperm. I could have been borne to a Black Masculine who owned land and boats too.
Mama chose the drunkard who smoked crack and barely took care of his 6 children by his at the time wife. Mama Lessons nearly destroyed my life.

I had to invest in a different way of thinking and living. That wasn't easy either suga. It has taken many classes, personal development, mentorship and more. You won't get out of this just reading books. I keep telling you all that and women keep balking lol. Practical application has to happen.

In my class, Mama Lessons I will be discussing some crucial life lessons. How to win, despite your mamas lessons and teachings and how to ditch the negative programming you learned or picked up from your mother. This is a 3 module class covering 3 different areas we need to address for freedom and healing.
Sign up here: www.angrydevas.com/mama-lessons.html

Dear black women:

You are NOT a feminist because you spend all day "calling out misogyny." What you are is a pandering woman who is using feminist theory to pander in a new way. Let's look at the definition of pander:

Pander:
To gratify or indulge (an immoral or distasteful desire, need, or habit or a person with such a desire, etc.).

Got it? You are gratifying and indulging him. His hatred of you and desire to dominate and control you is being fed by you indulging in and enabling his presence. Want to know why I ban men who come here to gas-light and disagree and "not all men" all over everything?

Because I am not a pandering woman. I know that they don't need to be educated on how to behave, they either get it or they deserve a 21 gun salute to the peen! Men who have to be trained how to not rape, how to not dehumanize their God? Need to be eliminated. Not educated, certainly not pandered to.

You are not radical or a separatist. You are hurting, frightened and in need of healing. You deserve to express yourselves, but do not delude yourself into belief that this is feminism. Or even black feminism.

Being pro-black woman is certainly possible without having to demonize black men. Of course they fall short of the mark of Masculinity, of course they are problematic. Of course they are the primary abusers of black women. Let's focus on solutions to make black women less willing to collude or comply with their degradation. Let's focus on upward mobility for black girls!

Let's focus on OURSELVES And getting that much needed healing. Invest in yourself and stop investing so much word sound power into nothing ass males who enjoy consumption of your indignation and rage. They get a hard on with all your "feminist" screeching about misogynoire... And you aren't helping your sisters. We know black males are our primary attacker, rapist, murderer. What you are doing is feeding the victim mentality of black women for likes. Do you even have the means or ability to help them heal after you get them riled up?

We never want to discuss solutions. Or address how black women are complicit with their own oppression by loving and reproducing the very men who hate them. It's time to address the ways we give up our power to vampires, losers and thieves.

#DevaCares

© Deva FIYAH and Angry Devas, 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Deva Fiyah and Angry Devas.

#LateNiteChat

A lesson for black women from the Book of Ciara:

"If you want a Better Future, you must get you a Russel."

Ciara was a lot like my middle sister. Two parent, middle class home, raised among people who act like they are humans. Raised in neighborhoods where people owned their homes and had an invested interest in the community. One day, my middle sister meets some bum bastard negro male. He is from no where and nothing and no one. Daddy shot him into his mamas coch and left, mama raised them in the projects. They were all trash, all her sons were trash looking for a good girl they could destroy with their sperm.

He met my sister at mc Donald's. They were both seniors in high school and she had what I call ghetto envy. It's what happens when you are raised to be human in a black community and family vs raised to be a "real nigga" who is "down." Usually all the "real nigga" types tell you how not black you are. If you speak English properly, if you desire education and marriage, you aren't black. My little sister allowed the futureless black girls and boys around her to talk her out of her value. I never did.

Anytime someone pulled that crap on me? I would clap back. "Better to be a "white girl" than a cum dump." That tends to shut people the hell up! Especially other black women who exist to keep you in the trap honey. You have to put them back in their place, which is beneath you and not at your side.

Well my sister fell in with the crowd. I warned her too, "this little bastard never had a family. His father saw he was worthless and bounced. His mother is broken, she has 4 sons and no husband. That is a defeated woman! They will never understand you or respect you. They view you as food, they hate you because you come from better circumstances and background. They look at this house we RENT and see us as rich because they live in the projects. You need to be careful."

Like most females, she was incredibly stupid and in love to boot. after her high school graduation, I told my sister she needs to get on the pill and that I knew she was having sex with that negro. She tried to play innocent but I just gave her The Look. She already knew she couldn't lie to her Oracle Big Sister, but she tried anyway. Lol

She ignored my warning and was pregnant 3 weeks later.

He put her thru hell. 5 months into her pregnancy he ran to jail. Black men commit crime to go to jail when the pressures of life are too hard. These people enjoy being there why else would they not keep their nose clean? I've never been arrested or in jail because well I don't break the law! Black men enjoy prison and even brag on how much time or how many times they have been. It's not like they tend to have their own anything. They tend to live off of other women's productions, mama or baby mama or side ho, their 3 hots and a cot come with how good they are at gaming on women. Until they go to jail, then it's promised to them. Free gym, usually have Internet and cable n shyt. They live good, if you listen to the way they brag on doing a bid.

He went to jail for 2 years. Wrote all manner of threatening letters to her. Threatened to cut my niece up "like they do little BYTCHES in Africa" when he got out and more. We suffered so much because a little black gem had ghetto envy and let a nothing ass negro talk her out of her raising. Just like Ciara did with Future. If my sister wasn't in the slums seeking Husband Material........

Black woman, we cannot afford to go slumming. When we do?? We end up pregnant and then we breed with slum quality sperm and produce slum quality children. Women are the choosers, and every child is not a blessing. Most children are the product of piss poor planning on the mothers part. Best believe the men all plan to impregnate you. All! Wanna know why it's all? Because this is patriarchy and men are irresponsible with their genetic waste material. If men didn't intend to impregnate you they would take control of where they leave their genetic waste material (sperm).

Future is a type, he represents the bum negro male. He represents the type who views black women as a series of holes to insert himself into for his sexual release. They hate women but love women's sexual services. He represents an over abundant breed of black masculinity, the toxic masculine.

Russel is a type. He represents the Divine Masculine male. The type of man who was raised to form a family and to be a protector and supporter of women and children. He represents a dying breed of black Masculinity, Healthy Masculinity and Divine Masculinity.

This? This Russel Wilson Ciara engagement is the Cinderella Story. The Prince Charming, who saw past the bum and the baby and saw to the Value of her Godhood. This is NOT the typical story...

This was achieved by the Principles of DARK Marriage, and it is my Honor to share this with you sisters. In my Dark marriage class, we will be discussing so many different things on the Dark Divine Feminine and the Spirit of Success!

Its not too late to sign up.

‪#‎LateNiteChat‬

I am successful in life because I learned by age 14 that anyone who failed where i endeavored to succeed was disqualified from advising me. The first time I established this as a boundary was in church. Some woman who was a two time baby mama, was attempting to preach abstinence to we young women.

This woman got pregnant, while being a leader in our church, and went away for a few weeks just to return with a baby and no explanation. She was sat down for a few weeks, YALL who were raised in church remember how the Mothers would sit a Heffa down and make her ass atone for her foolishness.

Well after her atonement, she decided it was time to come back n teach we youth.

I told her she was out of order seeing as she had two bastard out of wedlock children and was also in a leadership position over we youth. The broad got mouthy with me and tried some "there but for the grace of god It could be you" speech. The grace of God had nothing to do with you spreading your legs to some man who isn't your husband and getting pregnant by him and then bringing his bastards into this world. I pushed back and took it to the elder Mothers. This is back when the mothers of the church were Elders. Not just old people in fine hats....

She was indeed promptly sat down and not allowed to engage we youth anymore. How dare SHE fail at life and then think she was qualified to tell us what to do. Far too many women do this. They think they give good advice and that their advice is valid because they failed in the area they are advising you in. Smh all my life I have seen women act out of order this way. You have no business, but you think you can advise me on business. You live in the projects, but you are going to tell me about saving. The father of your bastard doesn't care if it is alive or dead, but you are going to tell me about the value of motherhood... And how wonderful it is.

Have a seat. Have a stadium of seats.

Chile, a bum on the streets cannot give me financial tips or stock tips. No cum filled male can advise me on how to be a woman, I ain't a STEVE harveyite like too many lost women who value failure loser males opinions. And no baby mama, no bastard child maker, can tell me shyt about anything other than how to be a baby mama with bastard illegitimate children running around creating a bad name for the entire race.

Too many of our "sisters" just want someone who makes them feel good about the failure decisions they have made with degenerate and DBR maledom. When the men say women need to choose better they balk and act as if the choice to not fuck Bum males is so hard. When women say that women need to choose better we are being judgmental and negative. No one wants to do the hard work and ask the hard questions for true restoration. And you better believe, we who are childfree are judged by the breeder class for not making the same foolish choices they have.

This is the greatest draw on black sisterhood. We have mothers of black males not wanting to admit their collusion with patriarchy In Birthing males. These same mothers then create pages that bytch all day about the very males they gave birth to. You have single mothers who do not want to admit that their choices resulted in raising their children in extreme poverty (what we called working class is now the working poor. As anyone who doesn't have $500,000 per child is not really providing for them.) and we have many impressionable young women. Women who the breeders claim they want to help, yet we who are not breeders know this is a lie by the pressure they attempt to place us under for not making their foolish choices. I can laugh I. The face of a breeder woman, but when I was a girl I felt pressure to heed their failure advice.

Many women SAY they want sisterhood. I say keep your curse. You do not need sisters. You need a wake up call and to deal with the shyt life YOU created dealing with the bums who pumped you full of babies.

This page is a safe haven for women who do not like or care for children and who do not want anything to do with them or the needy weak women who create them in insane circumstances. We are always lambasted or called crazy for seein what you choose to ignore.
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And I do not care what ignorant deductions women come to about it.

#LateNiteChat
#MateSelection #DarkMarriage

There is so much black women do not know about mating and relationships. Black women are still choosing men based on love and emotion and not based on practical or logical reasons. As such, most never get married or their marriages end in divorce. Black women are terrible at mate selection. This ugly truth is the very reason we have 73% of all black children borne out of wedlock with no protection. The government is about to make it impossible for such women. And I aim to help women know how to avoid this new trap.

The #1 indicator of poverty is motherhood. Globally. There is a reason for this fact.. Marriage, like all social and goverental institutions of patriarchy, has some dark origins and has shifted in perception over time. Used to be only slaved women were married. Slave marriage was more about bondage and property. Then only noble women could be married. (Noble marriage was more about legally binding wealthy women as property to poor men. Remember it is marriage and matri-money. Or it was.... More on this in the class.) Now any broad who can find a man to drag before a priest or magistrate can get married.

When I first came on the scene, this was what I taught on and talked about. I stopped because bitterly single black women kept on with the inane rhetoric. We want to hear from slave women how marriage works. Women who pretend and feed our love of the fantasy. We want the Disney version. We buy into it so easily, then miserably pretend to keep up appearances. Women who are in lasting unions tell a different story, we chose the man for a reason and not a season. Black women fear a sovereign married woman who isn't beholden to her man. It simply does not compute that a woman is her own independent person and the marriage, while loving and supportive, is not her identity or her damn life. Lol I actually laugh at and pity women who live the other way around. They have no life in their eyes, they are drained and they lie. They lie their ass off about how wonderful that draining existence is.

I ain't buying it. I ain't sellin it.

One of the things I consistently heard back in The day, and still do, is how I do not act like a married woman. I had a lesbian say to me that, most married women live with their husbands penis on the tongue. She can't talk without referencing her man some way or another. And she believes she isn't Tryina brag, but she is. I agree with her, as I have observed this of my hetero sisters too. YALL just cannot get with any woman who doesn't live on her knees giving that verbal blow job to men, just for him being a man. You were taught wrong or nothing, so I do not fault you. I fault your mothers not raising Sovereign Gods in you, or your genetics for making you that way.

We GODIS know the intimacy and true power of a blow job. It is a very personal act of Power, to play a sweet song upon his saxophone. That is Phallus Worship, and it is energy as well! You are receiving all his power into your oral/throat chakra! Let's be real about this shyt! This is an act of POWER! And it is done with and on purpose my dears. Verbal blow jobs are the same. You cannot both desire sovereign women as sisters and colleagues while talking against pandering and you publically act like a pandering "slut" without some opposition. That verbal blow job is pandering it's very much so gonna piss women off and then you will complain about "jealousy." But they cannot shoot what they cannot see. Ijs wisdom speaks, do you listen?

Energy is energy. And people are people whether we like it or not. The Dark doesn't care about your emotions, it deals with what is or is not.

I never wanted to trade on my borrowed male privilege. I never had to do it to bolster the importance of my work or message unlike the rest of these women. My voice is power-filled on its own. My voice is anointed and always has been. Women whose voices aren't powerful need men to empower their words. Since men represent power in this system that power-less women created. This is how it has always been under their rule, this is why women created The Lord.

I saw so many BWE pages talking marriage. One of my fave blogs from back in the day was Halimas "date a white guy" blog. I loved it because I was discussing marrying men who believed in family, investment, financial solvency and a legacy to pass down, and she kept telling us black men ain't it. That was a DARK eye opener. And I intend to discuss this in class.

I consistently ran/run into black women with "good" black men. Yeah you have a good man when you shackin with your family, when you struggle on how to grind, when you HAVE to work so you and Ya children eat hs quite the catch. SARCASM. You just have a nigga who doesn't beat you yet, but soon emotionally and financially the whippings will begin. You mothers of children choose men for you. Based on how he makes you feel. Foolish. You choose for your children. The emotional and financial whippings will soon come. Smh You can't see it now though, because he is a 25% improvement on yo ex. This is what men are and do and all woman think they have a good one, till the representative departs and the real man is left behind. Then, after all your "vetting" after all your careful picking, what the hell do you do? We will discuss this in class.

Now... 😈

What married woman is working outside the home on something that isn't her own independent business? See Yall got the game messed up and all this DARK ISH will be discussed in class. Most will cover up and only share the Good. I intend to tell you the real and discuss character and spirits. Vs emotions and he smell so good. Black women are delusional and lack discipline. Which is why I am not accepting just anyone for this class. We are going to discuss what Marriage and Wifery really is from a spiritual perspective. For those who want to thrive based on what is real not fake ass morality.

Dark Marriage, Hieros Gamos in true. Not what the patriarchy will let you find on google. Lol Ignorance abounds and is easy to access. And I will share with you exactly why most marriages end in divorce.

Sisters on my mailing list check your emails. I am teaching this class on Dark Marriage and how to remain Sovereign in marriage. Again... This is a by invitation only class. I am not accepting just anyone and it has a quota.

#ToxicMasculinity

"Dress the way you want to be addressed." This is presently the male response and reaction to women's requests to be regarded as human, vs a series of holes that exist just for men to penetrate.
It would appear that, in our case as black women, black men fully recognize their right to exist and not be deemed thugs or dangerous based on their clothing choices. However, when we make requests of them to show the same courtesy, they are unable to hear us and proceed to suggest "logical" reasons why their refusal to listen is valid. Among these "logical reasons" are "don't dangle meat in front of dogs and be mad when they bite" or "don't wear a Ho's attire" or "you must have wanted the attention" and other such "pearls of wisdom." These men believe, unfoundedly, that they are noble in telling us to "cover up." Louis Farrakhan was recently heralded as a "real man" for offering "protection from the NOI" to Beyonce, after Florida police refused to do detail work for her concerts. However, he had also just recently given an edict to Jay-Z to "tell his wife to cover up!" Interesting intersection there.

Science has proven that males are incapable of actually hearing the female voice and taking her seriously.

Men apparently would rather "listen" to the "energy" our outfits emit than the energy of our voices saying no, I'm not interested.

What I find to be most intriguing; our foremothers and forefathers were well dressed, yet made to suffer gross indignities in this nation. Martin Luther King was wearing a suit and tie when he was murdered/lynched. Malcolm X was wearing a suit and tie when he was murdered/lynched. Countless black women and men in suits and looong dresses were turned into strange fruit all around this nation.

Therefore, I posit, that in addition to a genetic inability to hear and process the far more complex feminine voice, male culture itself is desirous of stagnation. The Diminished Masculine's perpetual and cross racial inability to review history and adapt/reform, means we are doomed to remain trapped in a never ending story of collusion with oppression and citation of attire and other presentations as "the reason" it has happened.

(Sidebar: I'm not surprised by Farrakhan! The man still rocks Brooks Brothers suits and Stacey Addams shoes! He still got that conc, he will never change lol)


It is an unfortunate reality that far too many of these toxic and diminished masculine are out there. We need to learn how to recognize them, what are the signs and symptoms of the Diminished Masculine. Only then can we begin to alleviate this sickness, that seeks to keep the Divine Feminine wounded, in our interpersonal lives. Unfortunately, I do not believe that men en masse can or will be changing this of their own volition any time soon.

I had no clue what my color was, until I began wearing makeup. I remember a few years back at a Goddess Retreat, one of the Priestesses was talking about bitstrips and how funny it is watching black women choose their character. She said based on the bitstrips, she could tell we all were very confused about our color.

"Triple, yo ass is too dark in that bitstrip. That is NOT your actual color or even close!"

I was like hush, I know I'm darker brown! I dismissed her point about me, but embraced her overall message.

Then this year I up and decided to buy foundation for the first time. I immediately, instinctively, reached for the darkest hue of makeup. And then I looked at it, in my hand against my actual complexion.... And the sister was right. In my mind, I am a lot darker skinned than I actually am.

This stems from a deep envy of my daddy and baby sisters dark hue. I remember sitting in the sun as a little girl, I always thought the darkest black folks were the most attractive. (Cuz my daddy was an ultra black skinned Maroon!)

My mamas mother was a creole woman, extra fair skinned and nearly looked white. She would pick at we who were dark skinned, in her old age, and all we brown skinned grand babies were treated like scum compared to the daughters who gave her bright and yellow grandbabies. She regarded me kinda funky, but she really was nasty with the darker cousins and my baby sister. I internalized that at a young age and began privileging dark skin, as opposed to despising it which so many end up doing.

Long before any white person ever performed racism against me; I had endured internalized racism and white supremacism from my family. All of this ended up impacting how I see myself.

Buying that little jar of Caramel foundation engaged me in a bit of Metanoia. I experienced dissonance, like the Brown v Board experiment with the dolls.... When the child ascribes all the negative qualities to the black doll, then when asked which doll looks like you? They wincingly point to the black doll. Except in my case, I ascribed all manner of positive things to darkness and thus dark skin. So to fall outside of that category was nearly painful. Like some how my black wasn't as real. I am brown skinned, not light. But I can imagine this dissonance is what light skinned sisters experience when they try and silence conversations on colorist notions.

This isn't to say that color is the only marker of blackness or Africanness. However I wanted to examine some of this and share my observations with you.

Who taught you how to view yourself? Do you know what color you are?

Who names makeup? Who the hell decided that black women's makeup should be named after foods?

That's another thing, my makeup color is caramel. I remember calling myself caramel as a teen and having a fair skinned girl tell me I couldn't be caramel Cuz I was dark and she was caramel. The messages we internalize, unknowing and unintentional, they are lasting. Unpacking them helps us heal.

In my teen years, I worked primarily with black girls. I worked with the children of battered women. I did youth gang violence prevention. I'm talkin out in the streets, making shyt safer.

I routinely faced opposition from those children's mothers. They were all broken, bitter, unhealed and overworked mothers. Wounded mothers create wounded daughters who are over parentified. We grow up care-taking our mothers. When it should be the other way around. We support mother, help her and all that!!! And she is supposed to be supporting us, helping us! Her damn help is supposed to come from the penis that pinned her with the babies she chose to bring into the world.

That isn't what happens with wounded mothers though.

Growing up with a wounded mother myself, it didn't take me long to see what was happening. It didn't take me long to see that the mothers were pushing back out of jealousy and envy. Their daughters were going on trips, to the theatre and to museums; while she stayed home. So, like a jealous and bitter woman tends to do; she starts being extra hard on her daughter. To find a way to punish her so the daughter can't go either. My mother routinely did this to me. And when I stopped doing anything but going to school and going to church, my mother then began to try and ration church activities.

For example: my father would come home loaded out of his mind. He would take to the fridge and begin eating food at random. Leaving a mess in his wake, he would stumble to the livin room and pass out. And I would be beaten awake in the middle of the night by my mother, who would be screaming about how I left her kitchen a mess and didn't clean up before bed time. "And that's why Ya ass ain't singing in the choir this Sunday either. Until you can learn to obey my rules!"

I do not know how I maintained any love for this woman. I guess it's the reason I always had a heart for battered women and girls. Because the women were battered by the men, and the girls were battered by their weak mothers, who took out the abuse they tolerated from men on their daughters. I had lived it, I think that finding myself in shelters helping other girls and women kept me sane. It kept me from breaking and it also kept me sweet. I knew what I was surviving was bad, but I also knew it could be worse. I didn't complain, I just found a way to make a difference.

That was me as a child. A teenager.

As an Immortal, I know that when one teaches, two learn. And in helping those girls, I was actually helping myself.

I see now, the way to enact change in the lives of black daughters is to heal their battered mothers. As a child, I tried in vain to force help onto my mother. It was selfish, I needed her to be better because I was afraid I would snap one day and whop dat trick! Because I needed her, I was a child and my father was an addict. The only alternative were aunties with rapist husbands or foster system filled with rapist males and idiot females who hate children and love money. Or who get children for the men in their lives to fuck, so he won't leave her or so he won't fuck her children.

I learned early on that women are the gateway and gatekeepers. And that if I wanted to see black girls have a better life, I would have to leave them be and help their mamas.

This is why I kick your sorry emotional ass. Fuck your feelings, I am thinking of the daughters. You grown women? YALL will be ok! You need someone to shock you, to remind you of what it was like to be a girl. You grow up and become dickmatized and forget the horrors of being black and female in this world.

My GodMother said to me, through tears one day, that I was an Angel for the Children. I tried to interject but she shut me up. She made me hear her. She said I am the Guardian Angel of the Children and that I possessed an ancient Mother Spirit. She said I was the "evil mother" who was willing to kill for the children.

I whispered, Kali-Ma. And she came out of her trance. My GodMother is a church going woman. She relates everything. To Jesus. She said to me "if Mary was a Black woman she was you!"

Oh Mary don't you weep. Oh Martha don't you moan...

My work now focuses on helping women heal the connection to their Daughter Self. You all grew up with horrible mothers, or with good mothers, but all of them wounded. This is what it means to be female in a thriving male centered culture that has erased the primacy and supremacy of the Feminine. The erasure of the Divinity of the Feminine is the Wounding of the Mother. And then mothers participate in the ritualistic wounding, by initiating their children into the belief system that cements it. Abrahamic faith based male diety centered religions all were created to wound the Mother and Usurp her crown.

It is plucking out your own eye, and lamenting the blindness.

Wounded Mothers. Mother Wounds. They must be healed. You must challenge how you were raised. And challenge what is driving you to make your parenting choices.

For if you continue to mother in fear, you may as well drown your children and bury them. Make it quick and get it over with. Think about all the unpacking of bs you had to do.

Do you really want to recreate that with your children?

Let's go get your wings back mama. So you and your daughter can fly together.


Sign up Here to heal the Mother Wound.

This is an image of God, all of the early images of God appeared this way. Long Pendulous Breasts, a Full belly, Full thighs and round hips. Why is THIS the face of God? Because THIS is an image of the Great Blak Mamma of Creation, of Fatty-Ma, of Fat-Her. Though the patriarchy has worked diligently to erase and suppress our awareness and remembrance of her, she lives on in statuary and monumental carvings.

The first images of God looked like this. Note the tight coils atop her head, indicating her Ethnic Origins. This is an effigy of the Great Blak Mama of Creation. The more we distance ourselves from her image, the greater we see the hatred expressed to her daughters who look just like her. Today on Afro Punk I saw so many hateful comments directed at a black wombn who is fat. I felt compelled to speak on it.

When I see her? I am reminded of the Mother Goddess. (See first picture) I am reminded of Fatty-Ma aka Fatima. I am reminded of Fat-Her, Big Mama, A Wombn whose body has changed because she labored to bring future leaders into this material plane of force. Or, as one of our Fans said when we initially shared this image:

"Yasss! Gracious Goddesses with hips that span continents and all manner of breasts that attract deceitful lovers and suckle ungrateful children...she is everything. I love her and I love you for SEEING her. ~ Aemeri Kenasen"

And though I do not look like her, unlike far too many people; I am so secure in me that I don't need to tear down a fat woman. I want the rest of you to try the same. Or go on. Leave a comment and risk my demons destroying your newly minted 2016! Go on.

I think it's high time we understand that the anti-fat black woman bs is actually anti Godis inherently. The first images of God looked just like a fat blak mama. Like the Fatty-ma of Creation.  When people say "let's not encourage obesity" with each and every photo black wombn take in celebration of herself, it speaks volumes.

Sistar, if you want to be more healthy, Angry Devas is going to help you out this year. 5 years ago I was 290, nearly 300lbs. Why? I was over eating, I was sad, I had no love in my life and most people only seeking to take or use me. I slowly but surly found a love and appreciation for myself. And I began to change how I approached living in my body.

And I can and will help you too. This will be a FREE Dark Godis Health is Wealth initiative. 52 weeks of Fitness.

The language of Sanskrit was based more on energy than meaning so that each word carries a specific vibration or energy with it making even more powerful as it vibrates from and out of the body. Again, the Law of Attraction is always at work bringing to you that which you project out. So, for this reason, I have included a few Sanskrit mantras.

1. My Income is Increasing. Note: You always want each and every word of an affirmation to be positive. For example, "I will be rid of debt" only reinforces "debt".
2. Om Shrim Maha Lakshmiyei Swaha (pron. OM SHREEM MAH-HA LAKSH-MEE-YEI SHAH-HA). This is the quintessential Sanskrit mantra for abundance! Shrim is the seed sound for abundance along with the goddess Lakshmi. Swaha is the divine feminine which is representative of receiving. Use Namaha if you are under the age of 30 and female.
3. I am Open and Receptive to New Avenues of Income. This affirmation allows us to open our minds from becoming too tunnel-visioned. There are so many opportunites awaiting us if we just step outside our patterned ways of thinking.
4. Everything I Touch is a Success. Perfect for someone who is insecure about being self-employed or if you just want to boost sales!
5. Om Gum Ganapatayei Namaha (pron. OM GUM GUH-NUH-PUH-TUH-YEI NAHM-AH-HA). This mantra is based around Ganesh, who in Vedic texts is known as the remover of obstacles. Thus, this is a powerful mantra in removing obstacles that may be preventing you from bringing in abundance.
6. There is Plenty for Everyone, Including Me. Note: The subconscious takes everything as truth. So, even if you don't believe an affirmation it is still working. Given enough time, you will start to believe it.
7. I Am... This is the mother of all affirmations. Use to bring in more clarity.
8. Thank You, Thank You, Thank You! Nothing brings more to you than gratitude. Gratitude is the most powerful emotion in the Law of Attraction.

#DevasBook

Updates on the Book of Amma:

I am editing it still. rewriting some parts of it and trying to perfect it. It's a long process but it is exciting as well! I finally found a BLACK artist. I wanted to work with a black Wombn but the sisters weren't about business. So I have a Son of God the Mother doing the art for the book. A young up and coming artist, supporting our black male youth.

For those of you out there dreaming? Keep the following quote in mind. Do not let other people deter you with their "bragging" at your expense. Their Toyota efforts and works pale in comparison to your Rolls-Royce manifestation.

Goooooddddd Rising