The Angry Deva's Blog
Veneration of the Dark Godis is Veneration of the Whole Wombn. Our Power is in Darkness, but first wo-men have to leave our patriarchal conditioning behind - leave the father's house and his rules! Embrace the Way of the Womb!
I deeply respect the process of growth. The more I grow.
But what I have learned, is that u cannot FORCE a thing to grow. You cannot force a seed to sprout. All you can do is prepare conditions it needs, for it to do what nature intends for it to do.
You can plant it in fertile soil. Give it water and good sun.
But if a damn bird come pick ya seed out the dirt? Guess what? It will NOT grow.
Trauma is like a bird picking the seeds you planted, out of the fertile soil u planted it into. When one experiences trauma, it creates physical, emotional, mental and spiritual harms. And these harms often inhibit or completely hinder your ability to grow/move forward in life.
Then you blame yourself.
No darlin. It’s not u.
What happened to u is not your fault. But it is your responsibility to heal and to grow.
When you are in trauma? You cannot SEE yourself properly. You cannot see the situation you are in properly. All you can see is the trauma/drama/pain. Your too close to it. It takes some distance from the event, lots of healing work and self redevelopment work to come back from trauma.
It is not EASY!
The reason I do the spiritual trauma healing work for you, is to make the mountain surmountable. Without that work, it remains insurmountable. You are incapable of growth. All your seeds have been picked out of the fertile earth, by birds of prey. The predators who attack u, the abusers, they are just like birds in the garden. After you have sown.
You cannot reap, when someone/thing else is feeding on what you first sowed. When someone/thing else has picked what you sowed out of the fertile earth and devoured it.
We have to get yo shyt back for you to replant it.
And it is my true LIFE HONOR to do so. All I ever wanted, from the moment the church told us about generational curses when I was 15? Was to be the curse breaker. I never knew I would leave the church and become a Priestess to do it. But I vowed I would be one who breaks curses.
It has been a desire of mine that I have fulfilled. And am proud to perform rites and rituals to help other women heal and eventual return to growth.
That which does not grow is dead.
Being the walking dead is a dishonor to your soul light, to your purpose, to your life, to your mother who risked her life to birth you. It is dishonorable to the First Law of Nature which is self preservation. It is dishonorable to the laws of Spirit.
You owe you much more than that sis. Your story cannot end at “this nigha raped me” or “my mama abused me” or “my daddy wasn’t there.” Or whatever your story. Even if not named here. You still deserve better Than that outcome.
Dying in trauma is not acceptable. There is a reason you found me. Don’t squander it. Don’t self sabotage. Do not let trauma win.
Choose you. Choose your growth.
Last night during massage, the girl found that old injury I hide.
I tripped up the steps in high school my sophomore year. Our damn school has these moronic metal steps! And I tripped and knocked the Hell out of my toe on it. Just the one toe. I promise ya, it was fractured.
My mother being who she was, neglectful, indifferent, no empathy; this wasn’t important enough to warrant a free state insurance paid trip to the dr. Anything to do with my health that was beyond an annual checkup was a “burden.” So instead of getting X-rays and understanding what happened to me and how to heal it? I was left to just let it resolve itself.
To this day that toe gives me trouble. To this day, I have a relationship to injuries that makes me have to fight my trained/programmed responses. And actually address the problems.
Spiritually? I’m quick wit it. I don’t fuck around. I swiftly handle any emotional or spiritual trauma.
Physical trauma is a different ballgame. And I recognize it and am challenging it.
I’m laying there last night. Enduring that blistering pain of a trauma that never got healed. And fighting the thoughts of complacency. “This is supposed to be my Monday relaxation and release ritual. And now I gotta instead feel effing pains” I realized how I had been subconsciously manipulating the therapist for years to avoid the painful parts. And I told her I was doing it without even consciously realizing I was engaging avoidance. Over confrontation and resolution of the issue.
What is mind blowing about this? Is how it ministered to me as a Priestess. “This is what ur clients are going through. When u confront spiritual and emotional traumas they never healed? They choose manageable pain that is familiar. Over unimaginable pain that is unknown. They know the trauma. They have coping mechanisms for them. Just like u have for that toe. It’s the work to heal the pain the trauma created, that feels impossible and they are resistant to.”
My Dark Self is amazing. I respect her wisdom and ability to take lessons for herself/me, and see how our lessons can help others.
Sisters. Trust me I know it ain’t easy. I never once in all these years, said it was.
But baby is it worth it.
The shyt hurt. I won’t lie. But my toe feels better and more mobile than it has in years. It’s impacted how I walk, it has put stress on my ankles and knees. Trying to accommodate this physical trauma my mama taught me to carry and bear.
Can u think, just for a second, about the negative impacts that your emotional and spiritual trauma have had on your walk in life?
Schedule yoUr session with
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.
Writing is my Joy and Pleasure. I've been writing creative pieces, analytic pieces and empirical pieces since I learned how! I use my pen and prose to expose people to things they either don't know or never thought of. I am political, analytic, critical all things that Virgo/Gemini is. The Logos is the Eros to me. <3